Transforming Trauma into Healing: My Personal Journey of Traumatic Spiritual Awakening
Transforming Trauma into Healing:
My Personal Journey
aka “how the f did I get here?”
In my early years, I was just like any other sensitive child with a heightened awareness of the world around me. Born with spiritual gifts, seeing spirits and knowing things others didn’t, I lived in a reality that was often frightening and overwhelming. This was exacerbated by the fact that I grew up in a haunted house built on old plantation land and an ancient burial ground.
Unsure how to navigate these experiences, I chose to shut down my abilities. I numbed myself with substances and busyness in my teenage years, allowing me to ignore the emerging abilities and fit into society's definition of normality.
As I entered my 20s, I began to rediscover and explore these gifts through yoga and meditation. Yoga helped me experience energy for the first time and heal from decades of childhood trauma. Meditation taught me to sit with uncomfortable silence and the harsh words of my inner critic. Through acupuncture, I experienced my first spontaneous past-life regression, and it became evident that my psychic abilities were not something I could continue to ignore.
From Spiritual Hell to Healing: My Journey Through Psychotic Break
There are moments in life that break us, shatter our understanding of reality, and push us into realms unseen. My journey through spiritual psychosis was one such moment; a traumatic yet transformative experience that led me to the depths of my soul and back in 2016.
In pursuit of understanding my relationship with my then-husband, I embarked on a holotropic session with a shamanic practitioner in the mouintains of North Carolina. Little did I know, this would transport me to my personal spiritual hell, a harsh life review with a circle of ruthless elders. They demanded I choose between my children and my shamanic practice. This, along with the guilt for my past actions, sliced me open psychically, leading to voices, synchronistic experiences, and an opening of psychic gifts - a terrifying and beautiful blend of experiences.
My reality began to warp, and I soon found myself living in an almost alternate reality. The whispers of my inner voice turned into loud, horrific shouts. I experienced delusions, voices urging me to end my life, and even believed at times that I was the reincarnation of Mary or Jesus, in direct communication with archangels. This disorienting state culminated in a dramatic episode in Sedona, Arizona, where, lost in my spiritual delusion, I was coerced into a vehicle by a concerned couple and later admitted to a psychiatric ward.
In a desperate escape attempt, I jumped from their moving car, miraculously escaping without broken bones but with deep gashes. Despite my lucidity returning in the hospital, I left against medical advice, plunging deeper into psychosis.
My mother made the long journey from a foreign country to take me home to North Carolina, hoping familiar surroundings and family would help. But the drive from Sedona, Arizona was a nightmare. I spent most of the time lost in a delusional state, tormented by abusive voices and horrific visions of self-harm. In a moment of extreme crisis, I attempted to jump from our moving vehicle on the interstate in Nashville, Tennessee. Thankfully, my mother's quick reaction and a nearby police officer saved me. I was then involuntarily admitted to a psychiatric hospital.
Within 24 hours of admission, my altered reality ceased. The delusions and voices disappeared, and I've not experienced them since that time in 2016.
Recovery from Spiritual Psychosis and Spiritual Crisis
Recovery was a long, arduous journey. It involved years of holistic therapy, mentoring to work with my psychic abilities, and learning energetic hygiene. It required me to take responsibility for my situation, even the parts I didn't understand. By accepting this responsibility, I discovered the areas within myself that needed healing. I also came to the conclusion: I could either continue stuffing down these gifts and risk another spiritual emergency and live in and out of the hospital or I could learn how to manage these gifts and tools + make them work for me instead of creating chaos + destruction.
This experience, as horrific as it was, led me down a path of animism and shamanism and connected me to something greater than myself. My most healing experiences have been with my ancestors, and I've been able to use my experiences to help others who've had traumatic spiritual experiences. This experience showed me my shadows, the areas of darkness that still needed healing, and ultimately, awareness and compassion. It was the worst experience of my life, and I almost died multiple times. However, it also brought me to a path of deeper understanding and connection. It taught me that even in the most terrifying depths of our psyche, there is a potential for profound transformation and healing.
I share my story not to scare you but to tell you that recovery is possible. If you are going through something similar, know that you are not alone. There is help available, and there is always hope.
Healing Through a Traumatic Spiritual Awakening
This exploration led to a traumatic spiritual awakening, one that was far from the romanticized versions often portrayed. It felt more like a volcanic eruption, leaving devastation in its wake. I found myself in the middle of a spiritual crisis, experiencing spiritual psychosis that required hospitalization and psychiatric care. It took years to regain stability, but I came to understand that this was not just a crisis; it was an initiation.
My journey led me to study extensively with Mary Shutan, a renowned spiritual teacher and author. I developed relationships with ancestors, elements, and other intelligences, stepping onto the path of becoming a Shamanic Practitioner.
Over the years, my love for teaching never waned. Initially aiming to teach middle school English, I found my true calling in teaching yoga. As a former yoga educator and continuing education provider, I've been fortunate to blend my teaching experience with my spiritual journey. I bring in over 13 years of teaching and mentoring experience, with over 10,000 hours of training in eastern medicine traditions and alternative practices. My former yoga studio, Anacortes Yoga Studio, was the only trauma-informed yoga studio in the Pacific Northwest, offering healing practices to the community.
In terms of qualifications, I hold a Bachelor's degree in Psychology and Women and Gender Studies. Although I have formal education and training in for mental health counseling, I found a disconnection between spirituality and psychology that led me to pause my academic pursuits and did not pursue licensure. However, I am committed to continuous learning and expanding my skills. I also use researched based evidence to ensure that I are am bringing the latest knowledge and techniques to my practice. More importantly, I continue my inner work through somatic spiritual healing. My studies include over 2500 hours of Shamanic Healing from various lineages, training in Somatic Therapy, Intuitive Energy Therapy, Psychopomp & Compassionate Depossession, Reiki, Hypnotherapy, Intuitive Business Coaching, and Jungian Somatics & Archetypes.
Today, I use my traumatic spiritual awakening as a catalyst for my work, transforming my trauma into healing. I have learned that even our darkest moments can lead to profound transformation and spiritual growth. My journey has not been easy, but it's been worthwhile. It has allowed me to guide others who are navigating their own spiritual awakenings, and for that, I am grateful.
There is power in sharing your story. Thank you for taking the time to read mine. If you're going through something similar, remember, you are not alone. Healing is possible, and there is always hope. We are all in this together, and together, we can transform trauma into healing.
